One of My Most Important Leadership Lessons…

It’s 9am and I am feeling energized. I arrived early for my meeting, sitting alone in the conference room, ready to impress. I was meeting with a Senior Tech Leader at the company I worked for, who was a woman I respected and admired. To me, she was the definition of a ‘boss lady’, confident, accomplished, and someone I aspired to become. I was proud of my prep work leading up to this kickoff meeting, and I wanted to impress her. I knew I had a lot to learn from her. This was going to be a period of growth!

My Spiral

9:02am came…then 9:05…there was no sign of her. My inner voice started talking, and the self-doubt immediately kicked in. What have I done wrong? Do I have the wrong date? Am I in the wrong room? I am going to mess this up! My anxiety started rising. Minutes kept passing. 20 minutes late. Here comes my inner voice again. Was something wrong? Had there been an emergency? My mind raced across worst-case scenarios. Now, 30 minutes late. She never came. I was devasted.

After I realized she was a ‘no show’, my thoughts and inner voice immediately went to my confidence. I am not good enough, otherwise, she would have been here. If only I could be better…

I wish I could say this was a one-time experience, but it wasn’t. Over the next few months, this Senior Tech Leader continued to treat me this way with missed meetings, late arrivals, and no explanations. I never knew what to expect, sometimes she would show and I felt hopeful, but then it would revert back to more missed meetings. Each time I sat there wondering, Obviously I am not good enough. If I were more valuable, she’d show up. What could I do to be better? She must be busy with people who matter more. My emotions were a roller coaster of disappointment and hope that something would change.

My negative inner voices and low confidence were not confined to the workplace either. It trickled into the rest of my life, causing feelings of low self-worth and doubt. You’re not good enough. You’re not worthy of time from others. I started shrinking, holding myself back, thinking I was not good enough.

My Leadership Lesson

Fast forward years. I am sitting in a virtual conference room, with this Senior Tech Leader, and many other folks. I hear the Senior Leader say “Anyone that knows me, knows I am always late to meetings or a no show. I am horrible at managing my calendar.” Folks started laughing. I froze. Are you kidding me? It wasn’t a ‘me thing’? She treated everybody this way!

Before that first meeting, I’d never even met this leader. Yet, I placed her on a pedestal because of her title. I imagined soaking up all of her wisdom and assumed her presence would somehow validate mine. Now I realize I built that pedestal on assumptions and those assumptions hurt me more than helped. I wish I would have confronted her on her behavior when it first happened, but those critical conversations can be hard to have, especially when you are junior in your career. I was right with one piece though; I did have a lot to learn from her. I learned what was in my control, and that was the importance of calendar and time management. Looking back, I realize that I was already leading. I showed up. I honored my time and commitments. That was leadership and I just need to believe it. I should have trusted my actions.

If you’ve ever sat in a room wondering if you mattered, questioning your worth because someone didn’t show up for you…I see you. I’ve been there. Here’s what I’ve learned: don’t let the voices in our head give us that negative self-talk and let confidence grow through action. One of the simplest, most powerful ways to lead is by honoring your time and the time of others. Manage your calendar. Show up. Stick to your commitments. If you can’t make a meeting, communicate and reschedule. Time is sacred. It’s not just logistics, it’s leadership. How we spend our time, and how we honor others’ time, reflects our values. Managing your calendar isn’t a “nice to have”, it’s part of your brand. It’s how you show up. It’s how you lead.

I never want to be the reason someone sits alone in a conference room, wondering if they matter. Make a commitment to manage your calendar.

Call to Action

Here are my top 3 recommended tips and tricks to manage your calendar well:

1. Categorize all meetings with colors. Here is what works well for me:
   1. 🔴Red – Critical meetings where I present or drive the conversation (I limit the total number of these per day to avoid burnout)
   2. 🟠Orange – Working time to complete a task
   3. 🔵Blue – Standard meetings
   4. 🟢Green – Personal appointments, such as time to exercise, eat lunch, or attend a doctor appointment
   5. 🟡 Yellow – Time to learn and grow, such as trainings
2. Check your calendar before bed. Never go to sleep without knowing what the next day holds.
3. End each week with a 30-minute calendar block to plan and manage your calendar for next week. 

With love, leadership, and belief in yourself. You got this!

💖 Jessica