Yet Another Important Leadership Lesson… 

I sat in a conference room with my coworkers, waiting for our next meeting to start. There was some small talk taking place about what was for dinner, as our tummies grumbled towards the end of the day. Then, our manager started to speak, and naturally the room fell silent.  “Yeah, it’s unfortunate, but I won’t be able to attend my son’s soccer game tonight. I have too much to do at work.” I sat there listening and watching this executive share with the room his nighttime agenda. I thought to myself, wow, he must have a really demanding job with this title. I’d heard this kind of confession more times than I could count, about parents missing time with their kids, but it still struck me. What a shame he cannot be with his son. I wonder how his son will feel seeing that empty spot on the sideline…. 

When Two Worlds Collide 

 “Missing games” was a part of being a leader. To be a leader, you must make sacrifices. This is what you did to be successful, and I had done that for the first 20 years of my career. I let the workload dictate my schedule and there was always plenty to do. Evenings blurred into work hours, and I welcomed every travel opportunity as a sign of success. I loved what I did and never felt the need to set boundaries around my time. Yet I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like when I had a child of my own. How would working late nights fit into that picture? Would I have to “miss games” like those I often saw around me? 

Fast forward many years later, I was preparing to become a mom myself. I couldn’t have been more excited for this new chapter in my life, and I was especially excited to meet our little girl. However, there was a burning worry beneath the joy wondering if I could still manage a successful career after stepping into motherhood. I didn’t want to be ‘less’ successful, and I certainly did not want to be anything short of the best mom in the world. I questioned whether our work culture in America even made it possible for mothers to thrive in both roles. How am I going to do this? 

It’s my first week back from maternity leave. I immediately had to shift my schedule to end my workday by 4pm. I had no choice. At 4pm I took my ‘career woman’ hat off and placed my ‘mom’ hat on to be with my daughter. It was a big adjustment that I was going to take some getting used to. I recall sitting in a large team meeting where we were asked to share something personal about ourselves, like an icebreaker. My heart was pounding. I nervously yet proudly shouted from the office chairs that I was a mom and had a new routine! I thought to myself that everyone better know the changes I am making. I ended with “I won’t be able to attend any meetings after 4pm”. There is no going back now… 

Around the same time I returned from maternity leave, I was asked to take on new responsibilities. Internally, my thoughts started to race: Really? I just got back from leave, I have a 7-month-old, and I’m still figuring out this new life! No way, I am not ready. Out loud, I said in response, “This is amazing news. Thank you for the opportunity.” 

My Leadership Lesson 

I watched my calendar fill up, meeting after meeting landing at 4pm and 4:30pm. My stomach turned. I can’t join these meetings…but what will people think? Would they assume I was slacking? I was torn. Do I ask them to reschedule? Decline?  I am used to saying YES to all the meetings, eager to be a part of the discussions. This was new territory for me, and it felt uncomfortable. 

I remember the first time I declined a 4pm meeting invite. I attached a quick note saying “Can’t join. Need to put my mom hat on at 4pm.” I couldn’t shake the fear that skipping this meeting meant I would miss something BIG! After my daughter went to bed, I logged into my computer eagerly, not sure what I expected to see. Guess what? The company was still standing, ha! My absence hadn’t derailed anything. I watched the recording, caught up, and moved on.  

Over time, this new routine became second nature. I became intentional with every hour of my workday, focused on making the most of the time I had so I could log off knowing I gave it my best. To this day, I decline meetings after 4 pm. I am not saying there are no exceptions to the rule, but this is my standard.  

I’m proud to say I’ve grown in my role since then, taking on new responsibilities, earning a promotion, and continuing to execute successfully. I didn’t have to choose between being a present parent and a successful professional. I found a way to honor both, and I learned to say one simple word: no.  

In summary, leadership isn’t about being everywhere; it’s about knowing where you matter most. Say no, so you can show up where it counts. 

Call to Action 

Here are 4 questions I ask myself when determining if I can say no to a meeting: 

1. Will this meeting cause me to miss meaningful time with my family? 
2. Is there something higher on my priority list that deserves my focus right now?  
3. Can I catch up by watching a recording, and will that be enough? 
4. Is there someone else attending who can represent my perspective? 

 Use these questions, or create your own, to define your boundaries that protect what matters most. Meetings will come and go, but the moments that matter with your family are irreplaceable. Show up where it truly counts. 

With love, leadership, and belief in yourself. You got this! 

💖 Jessica 

Note: Featured image created using AI.